hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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