Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
