I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
