He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
