it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
