The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
