She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
