The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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