i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
