I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
