Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
