oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
