Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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