He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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