I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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