lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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