walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
