Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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