My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
