i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
