Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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