why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
