he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
