I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
