too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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