he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
