i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
