I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
