this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
