so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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