your parents love me but you hate me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
