I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
