I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
