I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
