i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
