just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
