Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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