dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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