Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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