Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
