what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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