im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
