Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
