He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
