I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
