that's an acceptable place to lick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
