So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A bitchslap is in order.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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