It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
