my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
