I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
