When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
